so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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