SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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