she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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