i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
