if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dick very happy bro
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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