I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
