we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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