True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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