She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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