Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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