At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
BRING THE BAGELS
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
