wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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