He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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