i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
