Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
