Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You smell like stripper and shame
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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