Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
