i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
