Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
