Pappa wants mamma naked
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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