Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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