i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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