what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
