I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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