I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
