she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
