she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
