She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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