You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
