I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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