i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
