HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
