Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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