oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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