i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize