I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize