it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish you could order shots online.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
