never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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