Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
