I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this beer tastes like vomit already
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
