Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
