Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
