Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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