kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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