When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
