i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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