I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
