a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
