Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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