she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just cropdusted the office
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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