saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
