It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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