it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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