Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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