Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
