Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
