Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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