My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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