everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
