i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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