Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
