quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
